StillMorphing, IntoWhat, IHaveNoIdea.

Friday, September 29, 2006

i wouldn't believe that it was you.
what more, you, having to believe that it is you.

1 day, and another half an hour to recess week mannnn!!! accounting today is pretty much dead, so for the first time, i'm getting a grade, achieved by me, myself only, a less than 8/10. WHATTHEHELL. ohmygawd, shumin ah, tell me how to ai4 zai3 sia...

scheduling is out!!! beth and i are touring switzerland! our honeymoon mann. hahahas* the hand and me, scooby dee and owner, wheeeeee!!! lugano, lucerne, interlarken, zurich, geneva. CHIONG mannnnnnnn!

IT test tomorrow. VLOOKUP, DSUM, DCOUNT, dee this dee that. Driving me nuts! must take on a positive attitude, 'qu diao za nian'. 'shan zai, shan zai.' hahahas* no wonder beth and co. will think that i'm going crazy. hahahas* now, they see the true me.

go crazy mannnnnnnnnnnn! it's recess week. =)=)=)

69days to Singapore.
I miss you, CHICKEN RICE. owwwwwwwww.

for now, satisfy my
LV
CD
Gucci needs first!!! SMILES.

Charmaine.@5:29 AM
------

Thursday, September 28, 2006

R asks the mother to do the project.
R gets the full marks.
R boasts to me.
R commented that I have uber slow internet access.
R said that R would kick out anyone I bring in after 10pm.
R complained that I whine and whine and I get a 9.5 for accounting.
R tracks my marks.

R is disgustingly scary.
R is beside me.

WHAT THE FUCK!!!

Charmaine.@7:13 PM
------

i'm pretty much dead. because, i think, i kinda miss talking to you. I thought i was strong, i thought thinking about you would soon be gone. I told myself i could, but i realised that i was impossible. Holding back the tears is tiring, suppressing the feeling is unimaginable. I did, for the last few days. While talking to miss Cow and darling today, I finally cried. I finally let it out. I know, crying out that day about my results was just another excuse for me to cry because of you. Why you? Of all people, you.

Three of a kind. Miss Cow, Darling, Me. Stuck in a situation that we hate. When will we get out of it? My msn nick: Brave the storm. Embrace the rain. We are going through the storm now, come what may, accept it. Stop thinking about forgetting them I guess. He will just be buried in some corner of my heart. Just like the previous one. The only difference is that, this time, there is more tears, more fear, more thought, and more weariness. Of course, with no reciprocation. Of course I never hoped for that to start with. So it was just me, who placed myself in so much misery.

I just wonder how to face you in December. Maybe, I shouldn't even meet you. If only you know that someone in Singapore is dying to talk to you each time you are online, as for me... I just want to avoid you every single time you talk to me. If possible, let it go on this way. Don't talk to me, at least in the near future.

Everything will be fine. Everything will.

The only good news for now - I have an additional 0.1 academic point for my overall results. =)

But this probably only pulled me back from my disgusting hotel operations presentation... 7.4. KILL ME. i spent all my time and effort and that's what i have. thanks to _________________ for their ______________. fugly shiat. my roommate was over the moon to know that we were like 3rd lowest out of the 7 groups in class. She did better than me, and she tracks my results. stalker. how scary. but she was so pissed that she didn't get any extra academic points. owwww. sad.

i'm back on track. i will be okie. get my priorities right.

Beth and I are going around Switzerland mann!!!! =)=)=)

shall upload photos soon. Went to indo night yesterday. My Yenna, Mervi, JeJe darlings! U Beth darling darling! Yuri fellow 1/2 Sporean!

don't worry okie my SUPER DARLING, you are the DARLING DARLING DARLING! =)

SINGAPORE, i miss u MANN!!! hahahas* (the indos realised that yuri and i always say mann. and they asked us, is this the special thing about singlish... we were like, THERE IS MORE TO COME MANNNNN!!!)

hahahas* so what's up mannnnn! hahahas* mood is okie oreadi mannn! =)=)=)

Accounting! here i come mannnnnn! hahahas*

Charmaine.@3:09 AM
------

Sunday, September 24, 2006

currently studying for the three freaking tests next week. French, Basic Accounting, IT. this is crazy. and in addition to me bawling over my books, something has obviously gotten into the ears of someone. like when you say screwed up, this is screwed up to the greatest sense of the word. It's like screwed up x infinity. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. if there is a hole right in front of my face, rest assured that i will hide till you can't even see me.

my greatest nightmare is here. you knowing that i fell for you. even if a million smokescreens and facades cannot hide it any longer. I really want to know how it got to you. what's done is done. BUT I SO WANNA KILL MYSELF MANNN!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO diu lian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhh.

no wonder my friends always call me 'geng'. ohmygawd. shiat. should have just told him right off his face. ehh, so what's wrong man. it's only me liking him. big deal. FUGLY SHIAT. what a cradle snatcher man. DISGUSTING AR!!! if only i had the courage like shimin. being thick skinned like anything else, just SAY. suddenly, i thought of yenna's action. hahahas* just, (point) SAY. hahas*

aiya, okie la. finish being a crazy woman whining on and on. back to reality. STARDEE ar. =)=)=) ehh, i'm okie already.

and kelvin was dead drunk yesterday. luckily he didn't puke on my bed. hahahas* i like his donkey!!! his pillow is nicer than mine. JEALOUS. maybe we should exchange beds mann. but his has fish smell. hahahahahas*

ehh, i sound like a kid today. too much of studying. bad bad bad.

Charmaine.@9:42 PM
------

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Too many things happened over these few days. I am not as noble as I thought. I'm finally awoken from my fairytale. You are no longer indispensible, no longer irreplaceable. You are the history, someone who was so important in my life, at a point of time. You are still important, just no longer as important, and I'm no longer at that point of my life.

Amy said that I'm a realistic woman-to-be. I know what I want. I work for it. But I just can never ever make my feelings known. Even if I have to bring it to my grave, so be it. I will never tell you whatever I have done so that you will feel guilty and see the need to reciprocate. Life goes on. Nothing stays the same. I am no longer the me in secondary school, no longer the me in junior college, no longer the me in haising. I am the me now, in university. Goals change, feelings change, attitude changes. Everything comes first, except you.

I just smacked a fly in my room. DISGUSTING to the greatest sense of the word. only 2 legs remained on it. and it was like crawling on the floor. wadthefuck. if it wasn't in my room, i would have squashed it. FUCKED UP. my roomie saw it before lunch and couldn't be bothered. whatthehell la. and she fuckingly told me that she cannot be bothered to do anything. heyy, am I supposed to do it for you?! fucking shiat. pissed-.

haven't been in a good mood recently. got my french test though. it's a 92. have i mentioned that? everything is going fine. i must maintain my 9/10 average. i must i must.

and i must be better off than you.
i know i will.

Charmaine.@6:58 PM
------

Sunday, September 17, 2006

i'm dead beat as i'm updating my blog. went to Allaman today, where mega IKEA, mega FACTORY OUTLET and mega COOP are situated. Arrived at 1+pm and shopped till we were left with 15minutes to pop by coop and spend our last few dollars. not forgetting to mention that we didn't even get to enter factory outlet. shucks.

switzerland is just too big and too slow for my comfort. you need approximately 40minutes for another freaking train to come. in singapore, you see like almost 15-2otrains pass you by during peak period. this just pisses me off. i hate wasting my life waiting aimless for stupid transportation like that. it's just utterly DUMB.

no plastic bags from supermarts is practically end of the world for me. in spore, you can ask for a million and one bags, and the cashier will just dump you at least, a million and TWO. this is a WASTAGE FREE country, i forgot. at least, can you make paper bags less expensive? a fucking forty cents is just way too absurd. students are poor, mind you.

couldn't think of what to buy for mum for her pressie. got her liquoriced chocs. gonna send it back by post to singapore one of these weekdays, and i have to go top up my stupid prepaid card, and thanks to the fact that i haven't gotten my B permit when the entire world here has gotten theirs.

life is like SO busy these days. other than my saturday-must-have-shopping-sprees, i seem to be leading my life like a race. ignoring the fact that we tried to celebrate tedja's birthday on friday, only leaving the place in one piece, and all other indos dead drunk in the villa. well, i guess, tedja, like the king, probably drunk in the most entertaining way (if you follow the train of thoughts that i have when amy described how he looks like when he was in the kitchen). monday - pre council meeting meeting. hmmm, i need an explanation for that man. there goes, thursday is the presentation of principles of FnB project. when i have no freaking idea on the freaking wine that i'm assigned to research on. Friday is accounting test. indeed, if i still push myself, i'm gonna be so fucked up. but i have to do better than my previous results, it's a challenge to myself anyways. and the following monday is council meeting. and there is phototaking the following friday. and i have to get my cover letters done for internship.

essentially, i can be described in two words.

going nuts-.

i'm so busy, yet you managed to pop into my mind even on a train ride. you are SO IRRITATING. i super duper uber hate you. can you disappear for a second?! i hope that i still can have the time to chat with you in time to come.

mistakes are meant to be made once, no more than that.

i wonder if i'm making the same mistake. haiz.

Charmaine.@7:43 AM
------

Monday, September 11, 2006

i want a never ending fairytale. i don't want an ending. not even a happy one. i just want things to stay the way it is. Even if it is because i'm living in my small little bubble. i'm contented. =)

indispensible.
irreplaceable.

hopefully they will do well for their prelims. praying hard-.

how many of them are gonna be my junior, i wonder.

i flared at up at groupmate today. and i shouted at him in the club. i've never seen such a fucked up group member in my life. who can sound so full of himself when his brain is not even bigger than a pea. so he doesn't even live up to the 'pea brain' lowly title when we call stupid people. i didn't give a damn. you don't do your work, you pay the price. and he actually said, CHINA PEOPLE ARE UNITED! THEY WILL LET ME SAY SOMETHING. heyy, stop being so fucked up mann. WAKE UP. one - china people are ashamed enough to have the same nationality as a screwed up ass like you, and you saying that you all are united. ohmygawd. two - let you say something. ya, say shiat maybe. you not only screw up your own grade, their grades, and MY grade. to let you screw up my grade is a no-no. i'm selfish. i don't want to get a BASIC bachelor's degree because of you. NO WAY. i can't even afford to drop to a merit. if i see you at semester 4 really, you should be damn glad. because you must have smoked your way through. i will only think of you sweeping the school floor at some point of time doing community work because of your superb grades, or begging the school to take you back with your tons of money. when they say money is everything, i gotta agree. with the amount of money that HE HAS, i tell you, he can kill someone with that, literally. but what to do? he can't even bear to part with 36 francs to send us to vevey. therefore, bothering to put that lil bit of effort to go vevey with us, as an, EXTRA. good enough, my debate skills hasn't dropped too much. scolded the hell out of him, till he was at a loss of words, and his FELLOW CHINA PEOPLE, apparently saw where i was coming from, totally agreeing with me, and giving him a earful. UNITED china people? in his dreams. it's EQUALITY and nothing else you screwed up piece of shiat. 19years of my life and no one ever talked to me like this, you being rich short and stupid trying to talk to me in that way? wait till i get my honours degree, i will throw it at your face. FUCK.

been so pissed these two days. i wonder what the hell does my motivation do. it doesn't even brighten up my day that much. when will you stop being the motivation. haiz.

PMS-ing i guess. my body system is going cranky. maybe cause of the weather and stuff. no lessons tomorrow morning. shall continue with my project stuff first. for now, let me just sink into my world of fairytale. =)

Charmaine.@4:31 AM
------

Sunday, September 10, 2006

it's seriously mentally draining after an entire week of tests. see this, four tests, with only the midweek break. and i'm currently, at 1.35am, on Sunday morning, trying to work my ass off to get the powerpoint presentation done, which is obviously due on Monday.

In the same group as 4 asians of the same nationality. It's for you to interpret if this is a good or bad thing. Good in an abstract way - if i should say that i love working it MY way. went to vevey for the project, and i have one useless member who decided to be useful for once - by paying the cab fare. he should be so fuckingly thankful if he gets the mark. and i would be fuckingly disgruntled if he screws this up. i still want to graduate with honours, knowing that he would just want to graduate - if he can, that is.

i sound like a freaking elitist now. i know. i never wanted to be like that. but in a world of prince and princesses, who are smart, rich and good looking. you simply have to be more competitive. knowing that im financially and physically less comparable to them, the only way i can make up to it, of course, would be in terms of *snap - the mind. they can smoke their way through of course, saying how easy the test was and scoring an average score of 6/10 or something. glad enough, i hit my target, beyond my 8/10 was a 9.5 instead. and that, was for accounting. hahahas* AMAZING. GASP people gasp.

and the next thing you know, i'm gonna screw up for the rest of my papers. principles of fNb, hotel operations, Info tech and of course my hotel ops presentation. Speaking of which, i have to thank Mr. Ehret for making my bad-enough day worse. i woke up 10mins before his paper, because i had coffee the night before and i couldn't sleep till 2+am.

i submitted my paper.
he looked at it and went:
"When do you eat Christmas Pudding?"
"Huh?"
"When, do YOU, eat CHRISTMAS PUDDING?"
-momentary pause-
"OH!!!! FUCK!!! ... MR. EHRET PLEEEEAAASEEEE!!!"
"*shakes head* happily walking away..."

that was it. i wrote the wrong date for my menu. yet again, i should be thankful that i'm one of the few who he even bothered asking. because, NO ONE ELSE WROTE THE DATE. ohmygawd. i have nothing to say. and i have fantastic classmates who walked out of the exam hall immediately half an hour, which was when we could start leaving after completing the paper. i have no idea if that was an optimistic signal. that was it. gone for my principles of fNb. and i bumped into Mr. Ehret when i was at vevey buying my swatch watch together with Chen Lin. i chose the watch that his son chose for me. hahahas* so sorry to his daughter. if Mr. Ehret didn't call out to me, i wouldn't have seen him. He probably called out to me to remind me how badly i've done for the test, hence, signalling to me that i shouldn't even purchase that watch. WOW. i'm so dead. goodbye to being an elitist. goodbye honours degree.

everything is fine for now. other than some unbearable habits that one of those in my closest clique has. but i have to clarify this, it has never occured to me that she is in my closest clique. she just HAPPENED to always be with my closest clique. i sound so mean. let me sound more saint. she just descended from heaven to bless my clique with fun joy PISS and laughter. Okie, i'm just bitchy for every reason there is.

school advisory board came for the school visit on Friday, and we all had to be prim and proper. unfortunately, i had lunch in Bellevue, which simply means that there was a HIGH possibility for me to bump into them while having lunch. after being seated, starting on my starters, i began to APPRECIATE the strategic location i was in - ENCIRCLED by ALL THE ADVISORY BOARD members. OHMYGAWD. kill me. behind me - school director, campus director, all the directors i could find at the council meeting, and more. of course, plus those who dumped the money into the school to help build our school reputation. go around Switz, everyone goes GLION hotel school! ohhhhh. ohmygawd. and they go like SO FAMOUS and school fees is like WOOWWW. wow thanks man.

everyone is proud to be part of the school. being ranked 2nd/3rd in the world isn't something i can ever imagine. the school reminds us practically every single moment about how prestigious we are, how magnificent it is to be in the school - which i don't deny. and how prim and proper we have to look each day, in our suits and heels. how tiring. anyways, i gotta go collect my laundry first, and continue with my project. i will update again after i finish my project.

oh yes, You are my motivation. No matter how abstract your reasoning was, it did make some sense. =)

Charmaine.@5:55 AM
------