StillMorphing, IntoWhat, IHaveNoIdea.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

The definition of happiness
is when you see the person you like
even though you are seperated by
a classroom wall and window
and a wall within him that he blocks you out from.

The joy when you see him
even though he didn't notice your presence.
The smile and laughter you had
the moment you saw his profile.

I witnessed this simple definition of happiness.
And the simple definition of love by a
13 year old innocent lil girl.
Why can't I feel this way too?
Then things would be much simpler.

Charmaine.@10:38 AM
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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Although I have no particular religion,
I just pray
for a miracle to occur.
I hope that my uncle's gonna be fine.
Please pull through.

Charmaine.@9:49 AM
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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

why not sacrifice the happiness of your own for another?
for the very least, you know that your loved one is happy.
and you know that the one who loves you is happy.
You'll prolly be happier then.

Charmaine.@9:30 AM
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Monday, April 24, 2006

I really really really really infinitely

dislike
detest
loathe
hate
am repulsed by
find it insufferable
can't stand
am disgusted by

this idiot/bastard/piece of shiat

who goes around

snatching
pinching
taking
ripping
stealing
robbing

the things that other people

rightfully own
hope to rightfully own
want
wish for
hope for.

i really find it so unfair.
am i over reacting?
yes.
i should just ignore it.
but it's so impossible.
i want to say this.
but i shall not.
for the better of everyone around me.
negative externality.

but i don't want to see him in such an agony.
i don't want to see him getting his way.
i don't want everyone to sink into depression.
i don't want to see a riot going on against him.
cus' i'll prolly lead it. *evil grin.
i hate him.
i sympathise him.
i want him to get his retribution.
i want him to wake up.

there are so many hims.
figure them out.

Charmaine.@2:05 PM
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After calculating, if i should sell my bag now, it should fetch me about 2-3K. It's not my LV, of course. It's just a humble Topshop hobo that consists 11 handphones and 3 MP3s. Excluding mine, that is. All my beloved students', some whom i don't even know. And one, owns TWO phones.

It just reminds me of how desperate we were back then. We hid them in OHPs, behind cupboards, PA control rooms, toilets. The desperation that the education system can drive us to. As Queen Bitch says, it's the stupid things that you do that makes it memorable. Isn't it true? The back then guai kia prefect, apparently asked for permission to bring the HP. Knowing the paranoid nature of my mother, my DM obviously has to give in to the formal letter that my mum wrote.

The stupid things you do when you are sixteen, like reading seventeen, teens, teenage, lime. Dying to hit seventeen because you think that it's YOUR magazine kinda thing. Now that i'm way past seventeen, I'm dying to stay at sixteen. We tend to gravitate towards the other side isn't it?

Bumped into him online yesterday. We've cleared the air, though i seriously find it stupid and i just can't help, but to hate the stupidity and mentality the both of us had. I know i'll never forget it, and I never will try. But i'll just hide it in that corner, that shall never be uncovered. It is a was him. What a deja vu, a situation that someone else met with a week ago.

I want to avoid him. Scold me, trash me, slap me. I don't want to face him. It's proliferating in a wrong way. I want that geeky butch hairstyle i had in sec 4.

Charmaine.@11:29 AM
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Thursday, April 20, 2006

A student asked me, "how do you know if you like someone?"

Perhaps, to come up with this question,
is already the answer.. isn't it?

***

OHMYGAWD. Those who bear the name of Charmaine (regardless of the way you spell it), will REALLY do stupid things. i sooooooooooooooooooooo need to scream now. I WANT TO CHANGE MY NAME!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. H-O-W!?!?!

I don't want to end up being so stupid!!! bah. god, this is BAD.

Charmaine.@10:42 AM
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time to stop.

i'd rather lose a lifetime of ricola sweets.

i want my aunt to be happy again.
i want my cussie to have a smooth delivery.
i want my uncle to live on.

Charmaine.@9:17 AM
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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

RETURN ME MY SWEET.

Charmaine.@3:59 PM
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When A likes B
B likes C
C likes D
D likes C.

C should be with D.
A blames B for giving the wrong signal.
It's together or nothing else.
B should never ever fall for C in the first place.
Suddenly, D disappears from the picture.

It's all B's fault.
B shouldn't fall for C.
Go with A.
Then everyone can be happy.
Except B.

Charmaine.@10:54 AM
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Thursday, April 13, 2006

They lost the volleyball match.
Pouts.

Guess they must be very sad.

My student's problem is solved.
My friend's problem is solved.
Mine has just started.

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO dead!!!
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek.

I'm fine. =)

Charmaine.@3:17 PM
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Wednesday, April 12, 2006

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen! All I asked, was that you listen.
Not talk or do - just hear me.Advice is cheap: 50 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself; I'm not helpless. Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.
But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling.
And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice.Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind them.
Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people - because God is mute, and doesn't give advice or try to fix things, God just listens and lets you work it out for yourself.
So, please listen and just hear me, and, if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn, and I'll listen to you.

-Courtesy of Jun Xian's blog

Maybe this is what I can, or should say to THE Freaking bunch of Sec 2s. Although this doesn't fit into the context perfectly. I just had a terrible morning. And now I understand the Literal meaning of drowning my voice. I couldn't even hear what Freaking shiat i was trying to tell them. And three of them are in Council? Gag me. But it's true. Whatthefish. Meeting this bunch of sec 2s for the first time and not bringing my handphone to work doesn't make my life Any better.

Charmaine.@9:44 AM
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I'm going through what all ex-drug addicts had to go through - Cold Turkey. The only difference here is that, my handphone is the drug.

I left my handphone at home and I feel like it's the end of the world. I'm ripped off my connection with my friends and family. And it's testing my ability to recall the tons of 8 digits that I never bothered to remember.

It's 2 hours and counting without the handphone. The loss of the sense of security just irks me. I may just be crazy enough to take a cab home and get it. Who knows.

I really shouldn't have asked my student how he survived without a handphone. And that was just hours ago. Perhaps I have to learn how to survive without a phone. eeeeeeeeee. Pissed.

Charmaine.@9:30 AM
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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

My students asked me who am I into. To be precise, who was I into. The fella that I was into is attached. :) Hmm, why am I happy? God knows. Because it is Was into? Maybe.

I had a weird dream last night. Suddenly the screenshot of my blog appeared in my dream, and I saw Queen Bitch's tag the tagboard. Got a shock out of my life. Thank goodness, it ain't true.

A load off my mind. Case 2 settled. Left with Case 1. Didn't have the chance to talk to my student. Still pretty stressed by it. Well, it's confirmed. My uncle has a few lumps in his various organs? His days are numbered. Yet I don't see that amount of care and concern that should be showered on him. Let's be pragmatic, and not be superstitious, how many days is he left with? It's not even a month. We are counting it on a day by day basis.

French classes start today. And I have to face someone. Ugh.

Charmaine.@10:32 AM
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Thursday, April 06, 2006

I'm accepted into my dream school.
Acceptance letter received.
I was happy.
I was exhilerated.
I was jubilant.

I am sad.
I am depressed.
I am confused.

Tell me, what is wrong?

Charmaine.@10:22 AM
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Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Upon June's request, I shall blog with the introduction of my new blogskin.

Life for the past week has been pubbing, pubbing, pubbing, sleeping, pubbing. Yes, four out of five weekdays was the life of a pubber. Makes me sound so delinquent-ish (as Wendy puts it). But it was just drinking - to drown my sorrows I guess.

Sorrows from home. from friends. from everything. Isn't life fantastic when your best butts don't even understand what is going through your mind. So I broke down in Rouge. Only Hippo out of that entire bunch understands partially. If not for Shumin and Lydia, I don't think I can survive till today. Thanks darlings. :) You guys made my world much, much better.

I shall be direct since I'm bloggging. No more beating around the bush. I want to break away from the clique. To hell with the 6 years and counting. If you spend 6 years with a bunch of people, who ends up hurting you, why bother trying to continue this friendship right? I want to leave them with the other ~~best friend~~ accquaintance. I'm tired and sick of this I suppose. But Hippo will always be my Hippo. We'll be the bestest butts ever. :)

Home is much better now. It's back to normal. I love my parents to bits. :)

Suddenly, he came to mind again. So much for the four years of holding on, they've become nothing but memories. Memories of my stupidity perhaps. We've all changed, haven't we? I hope that life is good over at his side. I've gotten over, it's just the memories that I'm holding on to all these while. How is he, I wonder.

Gonna meet up with those heading to serve the beloved nation this Saturday. Guys heading there, wish you guys luck yea? Do take care. :) Good luck to Queen Bitch especially, think he's going to miss his beloved.

I will miss Queen Bitch I guess. Gonna be all alone at work once again. Before you guys get too confused, Dom i.e. Queen Bitch i.e. Fellow Pubber. I shall not call him a Paedophile. Oops.

Charmaine.@1:27 PM
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