StillMorphing, IntoWhat, IHaveNoIdea.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

there are things that are best left unsaid.

it's not very good to stay at a place for too long.

***

"Waa who is that on the bicycle?"

"Who ar who ar?"

"Hmm dunno? Some sec1 lars."

"Huh really arh??? Haiyo Someone's gonna be so sad..."

"Ya lor ya lor. Haiyo she's gonna be so heartbroken..."

"Cannot let her know leh... Aiyo..."

GOODNESS. it was only a bicycle ride.
Confirm+guarantee+chop
this news would have reached her ears yesterday night.
this girl is going to bawl over it man.
obsessive behaviour.

***

Available balance: $6.74.
so damn broke.
Well, this is when Father Mother Subsidy comes in.
They are flying to Macau in 8 minutes time!
hahas* Freedom.

my last few dollars went to Esprit.
shades and cropped cardigan.

"Ooh let's wear this after spa!"
"and we shall go for our shu uemura make up session."

receipt received.

"Oooohhhh i thought it was $89.90?"
"And i thought it was $79.90!"
"Wow! after discount $109!!! SOOOOOO cheap."

we feel so cheated.

and im meeting Wulan again.
hahas* SPA! =)
Rest Relax and Ramble.

Scheduled for vcd marathon
on Saturday night.
And it's Wulan again.
A cuppa Vanilla latte can't even keep her mind clear till 12mn.

my future fellow regional director. =)

***

"this one is her ex-crush!"
"ohhh THIS one ar!"

HMMMM. okie. sounds extremely desperate.

what was he?
ihavenoidea.

***

Caught X-men 3 last night.
OOOHHH the effects were like WOW.
i'd give it 4 outa 5 choc bits.
But i don't like the ending.
Will it really happen in the near future?
Just recalled what someone told me.
Shudders-.

And i'm catching it this Friday AGAIN.
Wulan is catching it next Monday AGAIN.
we must have been crazy to catch it last night.

***

Hippo suddenly got her duty today.
BlessinginDisguise.
Phew.

Charmaine.@9:25 AM
------

Monday, May 29, 2006

P.S June: not that i didn't update. my dad's IBM is NOT user friendly AT ALL. i was screaming when i lost the post yesterday.

Oohh courtesy of GSS, i didn't really save my pay pocket.
and it's really pathetic.

it went/going to four shops.
Topshop, Blush!, FCUK, MnS.

as for food,
Bakerzin, Spegs, Sakae, Starbucks.

and the rest
went to Transcab, SMRT cab, Comfort and Citycab.

not forgetting
the photo shots. so credit to heerens and bugis photo shops too.

i think i still have a meagre sum.
it's gonna be for Hippo's birthday celebration.
i miss her!

had a Superb time with my Ms Lee!
She's the lingerie specialist. hahahas*
i love our pic!
let's practice more! =)

my late night shopping khaki
Chaoahlian!
she must still be jealous! =P

Wulandari
my other shopping khaki
is in China. =(
HURRY BACK.
i wan more shopping.
She's gonna be jealous too.

Reliving secondary school days this week.
Wednesday first half with Hippo.
Then with my beanies.
Friday with my SC secretary.
hahas*

I miss Rouge outdoor.
I miss my Cosmo.
Nope, skip that.

I haven't found THAT wallet.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Where is THE one?!?!?!?!?!?!
I just can't fall for any of those wallets.
irritating.

Charmaine.@9:03 PM
------

Friday, May 26, 2006

While you frown over the trouble that someone has dumped you with
the person just fcukingly laughs away while she enjoys her life.

Feeling stalked.
Feeling stupid.
Feeling undermined.

Stupid sec1s just don't get my emotions right.
Naive? I call them insensitive.
Fcuk.

Charmaine.@4:26 PM
------

Monday, May 22, 2006

Why do i always take things at surface level?
the element of sympathy ruins my nature of thinking.

on the contrary,
no one would do that to achieve sympathy
right?

but from the one you love,
maybe
maybe not.

speaking of which,
this story is kinda appropriate.
can vaguely remember
but i think it goes something like

Someone in the family was killed
and this girl's sister's boyfriend came to the wake.

This time,
this girl decided to kill her sister.

Reason being,
she wanted to see her sister's boyfriend again.

It makes sense from a psychotic point of view.
I hope such extremes won't happen.

***

Coming to think about it
i can understand where everyone is coming from.

Ran in the rain just now
So running a fever now.
A pun actually popped out from my semi-unconscious mind.
A bowl of fever
sprinkled with
Cough
headache
bodyache.

one word to describe the feeling: BLEAH.

but, i think my student is a million times worse than me.
i pray for her to be fine. =)

Charmaine.@9:06 PM
------

so worried about a student now.
but there's nothing much i can do.

i feel like biting someone now.
i want to chew on the dog bone.
must vent my frustration.

***

Grandaunt must have a lot a lot of saliva.
3.30pm
"You know your granduncle..."

4.00pm
"his sandals..."

4.30pm
"see make me fall..."

at 9pm
she was repeating this
all over again and again
to different people.

Charmaine.@4:57 PM
------

Sunday, May 21, 2006

The last thing that should happen
has happened.

Sometimes
loving someone
is to let him go.

I will learn how to.

And the headache now is fcukingly not helping.

Charmaine.@10:36 AM
------

Friday, May 19, 2006

i've decided to give up that bowl of laksa.
ceteris paribus (familiar?)
i.e. the stall holder isn't biased against either party
and both parties like that bowl of laksa so much
it's only right if i give up
since she's my friend / accquaintance / what-so-ever.

shuping, sm, audrey all think otherwise.
is it because i'm way too insensitive?
and i think too much?
so contradictory.

i thought i felt happier twenty minutes ago.
now when i think about it again
it was just escapism making me feel a little better.
because i was indulging in that bowl of laksa for a while.

gosh.
i don't look like i was from the debate society.
hahas*
back into a secondary school
has obviously tamed me quite abit.
turned so juvenile and stupid.
in every way that is.

AUDREY!!!
i love you to bits!
no matter how torturous it is,
it's much better with you guys around.
i miss xumuzi too. =(

Oooohhhh i forgot all about my 80 scripts!!!
yawns-.
im feeling a tiny weeny bit of fatigue.

Charmaine.@11:25 PM
------

Thursday, May 18, 2006

4am - hit the covers
9am - awoken by the news
9.30am - reached east shore (it was chaos, confusion and a bleeding wound.)
12nn - reached haising (it was explanation, anger and an arsehole.)
1.30pm - reached mu zi's house (it was discussion, calming down and a lovelorn.)
7pm - german lesson begins (it was finally the end of trauma.)

my Da Vinci Code is gone.

***

If only that bowl of Laksa can be shared.
Since it cannot be,
i'd rather be the one giving up.

Charmaine.@10:41 PM
------

Wanna thank Mrs. Chew for the pressie. =)
Euphoria rawks. It's purple!
Right vouchers at the right time.

WeiLing and co. thanks for the mug!
Perfect =)
Especially when it's not pink! =P

Hundred and sixty nine scripts left.
fuxinyan
Jiayou! =)

yawns-.

Charmaine.@2:43 AM
------

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Vitamin C can be obtained from sunlight - Where did you hear this from?
... only little people did that. - you mean the people are tiny?
... the interruption during work would cause certain illness and people would spend money to treat their illness. - !!!
it means that the children bodies are there, but their soul is in their own universe. - sounds scary!!!
it suggested that Bronte was being glued to the living room... - someone glued him there?

The entertainment that teachers get when marking the stunning scripts from students.
Their comments simply insinuates that they are pretty stressed.

i didn't even have to use a drop of blue ink. this spells trouble.
my 240 scripts are coming in in 3 hours time. doomsday. yawns-.

***

Queen Bitch is seriously not in a very good state.
To have a jiemei like him spells nothing but trouble.
And he just brought me more trouble.
Whatever la, she hates me anyway.
The extent doesn't matter.
I shouldn't blame the sick.
And i actually promised a Rouge beef burger.
Okie la, he better be well.

***

"If your best friend falls for the same guy as you how?"

"Hmmm... i dunno leh. buden i gave up my family for the last time last time that guy. so i guess i give up my best friend lor."

"Huh?! Will you hate her?"

"Ya. I will kill her. Hmmmphf!"

STUNNED.

***

Don't you ever realise that
scolding someone who is desperately late for a dinner appointment
for TEN minutes and TWENTY-NINE seconds
doesn't help.

Freakingly get your ass off the chair
put the flags down
and go get the students out.

My Chinese isn't beyond comprehension right?
Unless your ears are freakingly blocked.
Whatthefish.

Charmaine.@9:18 AM
------

Monday, May 15, 2006

i don't know if what i'm doing is right.
my heart tells me yes,
but my mind says no.

***

"Are you all together?"

"Nonononononono."

"Relax la. Why so defensive?"

"Cos' i never wanted to be with him."

"Huh? Then why like him?"

"You mean when you like someone, you have to be with him?"

"Ooh, you mean no?"

See. Different perspectives and viewpoints.

Charmaine.@9:38 PM
------

Sunday, May 14, 2006

blog: imreallypretty.
ohmygawd.
dunch ya ever name your blog that
if you still have loads of room to improve
to be pretty.

And THAT'S my secondary school mate for you.
Raymond's once ~~suicidal~~ good taste.
At least she is not up the mark
to be the next SPG or xiaxue.

tsk, imsobiatchy.

Charmaine.@10:03 PM
------

It was raining cats and dogs
just when i thought of hitting town.
So...

i just woke up from hibernation.
it was driving, sleeping, to TM, sleeping, dinner, sleeping today.
no TTS, SGH and town.

We made away with the fanciful dinner
pretty gift (which i will still buy sometime when i hit town)
and shopping.
Had our coffee in coffee bean instead.
We now understand each other better. =)
Love my mum to bits.

Yawns-.
I'm going to hibernate again.

Hope that Queen Bitch gets well soon.

Don't we always rather be the one who suffers in silence?
Yet as we suffer, the other person is suffering what we suffer too.
It's a domino effect.

Charmaine.@7:23 PM
------

Saturday, May 13, 2006

What will you do
if you realised that
the one who you trust most with your problem
shares the same problem as you?

Charmaine.@11:05 PM
------

My darlings never fail to make me churn buckets of tears.
The eight hour jigsaw is soooo meaningful! =)
Taitai's book is heading to Switz with me.
Zixin's earrings too.
And JUNE LOW my part 2!
But i didn't find the picture appropriate la...
I wanna be that spinster living in Orchard Road
where my dog will sit on the sofa with a tiara. Rememeber??? hahas*
Bimbotic thought.

The K box session was damn high.
With all the out of tunes
concert facades
and camera whoring.
The biatching at the usual place.
about veet
razor blades
guy's pride
and June's classic Taxi ride. HOR JUNE??? (know why it's GREEN la huh? hahas*)
The retail theraphy with June
on earrings
rings
and the-should-have-been-ours mickey sandals.

Mama bought me the birthday pressie today. =)
T&Co. bracelet and earrings. hahas*
material well-being: 10/10.
i should grow out of crying.
crying non stop these days.
tear gland too active.
feel so bad for lying and being so defiant at times.
guilty.
i shall be her guai kia,
at least for the next few weeks la huh.
was in town with mama since 11?
super tired.
and because she was there
How on earth am i supposed to get her pressie man...

-DIGRESSION-
QUEEN BITCH IS HOSPITALISED.
OHMYGAWD.
STUNNED.
FOR THE WORST THINGS THAT CAN HAPPEN.
i'm gonna drop by to see him tomorrow.
-End of digression-

-DIGRESSION 2-
My Freaking internet is down
luckily i'm not stupid enough to not copy my entry.
so i'm typing on wordpad.
it's weird to do this.
-End of digression 2-

Oh yes,
I found what i want to get for her.
So it shall be down town again tomorrow.
Suddenly i'm getting sick of town.

Morning's gonna be AMK.
Afternoon's gonna be town.
Early evening's gonna be TTS.
Late evening's gonna be SGH.
Night will be Tampines.
And then back Home.

I'm touring Singapore.
Speaking of which,
hippo tour by air, is not even a tour.
you are just stuck in the middle of no where,
in an air balloon.

Charmaine.@10:29 PM
------

Thursday, May 11, 2006

feeling much better now. =)
both physically and mentally.

Should have said it earlier,
then there would be nothing to worry about.

***

Hmm i was watching this movie just now.
It's how this girl likes this guy
she walked in
where he was
trying to be herself
and tries to look at him
and see if he looks at her.
before long, he left.

The aftermath was pretty comical.
That's when you see her real self surfacing.
Complaining how he didn't even look at her. all the whinings and everything. hahas* of course, no one can whine as much as i do... but still...
like the slightest movement of the guy can be misread.
Sometimes, the interpretations just seem too mutated and highly inferred to/against her favour.
her literature must be fabulous.
Well, maybe there was something, maybe there was nothing.

but from what i see... hmmm...

really, don't think too much. =)

or is it just that i think too little?

lalala. back to my scripts. (no pun intended.)

Charmaine.@10:55 AM
------

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

So freakingly sleepy now.
Managed to catch a wink while the students were 'stardeeing'.
With Jun Kai and Eng Liang around that is.

After living at my block for 14years,the 59 neighbours got to hear the truest side of
this lady who screams for her daughterfrom the living room to the bedroom
'requesting' her daughter to wake up.
And her daughter,spewing her entire dictionary of vulgarities
and slamming the bathroom door.
And the father
actually went Wow!,
and laughed it off.
Whatthehell.

enough of the good things over the streams of birthday celebration.
the bad things, since my mood has reached the trough anyways.
- meeting with an accident on my birthday, while on my way to work. My taxi driver went down and had an argument with the merz taxi driver and that cost me an additional $2+. Of course, plus the emotional trauma that i didn't include in the cost. And he claimed that he was unlucky. Like Hello? who's worse?
- waited for my parents for an hour odd in Gordon's all ALONE. as in seriously no other diners. Well, at least they bothered to scan me from head to toe, commenting that i was wearing an Addidas jacket and finally shut up when they saw something else. How realistic. Maybe we should wear berms tee and slippers in some other day.
- got an earful for wearing the wrong attire as it is. The birthday girl was actually the worst dressed. Now i understand why my mum asked me to dress Appropriately.
- it was only days ago that i rejected the idea of having a wallet as a gift from my mum, and announcing that i want an LV wallet for my birthday if people want to buy me pressies. Well, that obviously wasn't for real. but whatthehell! FANTASTIC. my wallet should have spoilt days ago, and not YESTERDAY. because my mum has decided to pay for my haircut. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. suay.
- He freakingly didn't say Happy Birthday la. Pouts. I shed two drops of tears. Hmm, or was it two streams? Whatever.

i'm in a biatchy mood now.

Charmaine.@8:46 AM
------

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

"What if the person you like didn't wish you happy birthday?"
"Did he wish you happy birthday?"

"Hmmm, my birthday past le... He never wish me. (looks disappointed) But Nevermind! I know his birthday can le! When is his birthday huh? (Eyes sparkling)"

"A few months later lor..."

"When?! Which date?!"

"Hmm why leh? You giving him pressie?"

"Hehe hehe... (The super-duper-hua-chi-laughter) Ya.. Dunno what to buy leh... (Smiling hysterically) What to buy huh?"

"Okay... (diao.)"
Guess i need to switch back to secondary school mode.

***

if only Queen Bitch is outa field camp
i can tell him what i'm going through now
then maybe he can tell me what i should do.

but again,
he's probably too caught up with his own problem.
as if he has time to bother about mine.
and i'm caught up in his problem too.
i've had enough of that.
sometimes i wonder if i should even consider him as my jiemei.
more like his Siti or Maria.

***

It's time we move on girl.
If you start to waver, read this post over and over again.
After yesterday, we know that they should not be the one we hold on to.
Get ourselves out of this.
If they don't get it,
there's nothing we can do.
On my part,
i don't want him to get it anyways.
i'm going in circles.
you're going down the endless one way street.
You know that holding on only inflicts more pain.
I don't want history to repeat itself.
You want history to repeat.
But we all live in the present, isn't it?
We've cried enough.
Think stupid enough.
Let's wake up.

This is going to be my birthday resolution.

Charmaine.@10:46 AM
------

Monday, May 08, 2006

Got a super sweet suprise from Wen Fong.
Wonder if he gets to read this,
but thanks sooooo much.
i really lurve it. =)
I didn't even know he hung it on the phone.
It's definitely is gonna be with my subsequent phones.

My birthday wish didn't come true.
Pretty expected.
He didn't even wish me anyways.

Feeling a little of everything.
A little sad.
A little happy.
A little numb.

ahem* shall start a thank you speech.
Jo thank you for that mms. it literally moved me to tears. cheers to our soon-to-be-longer-distance friendship.
Hippo for the sweetest, truest, longest sms. A bestie that can never be replaced. =)
Ms Lee Shumin! for the best friendship one can ever get from the first three months in the crap jaysee.
My butts for the pressie and the super early greetings. =)
Seevee's 4F Mandy and Miao Ling for the shortest, sweetest, simplest birthday msg.
The Bobos! for the smses and yet-to-be-fixed date for our combined celebration.
Butts of teejay (the BUNCH, June!, Kettle and the ChaoAhLian), 3404 dearies (Zixin, Eileen Ee, Wenyuan, Chun Hsien and Jie Ying) thanks for the streams of smses. =)
Kettle for the birthday cake that you brought down despite the distance! =)
Bernie, thanks for that thought. i'm moving nearer to you soon! is switz closer to your place? my goeg is really bad.
Wen Fong for the countdown and the pressie. One superb jiemei that i've gained in HaiSing. =)
Xiaomin for the 00:00 testimonial! So sweet of you! =)
Zi Qi for that during-lesson sms!
The Fantastic abstract abridged version of Happy Birthday by Jun Kai, Eng Liang? and errr Christine? Hahas*
Xinyun and co. for trying to play a prank. =P And the guys' for ruining my birthday cake with their disgusting way of gorging it and sparing me from the KFC/Mac treat. =)
Christine, my fellow Doraemon fan, fer giving me my darling's merchandise! =)=)=) And the love letter. hahas* i'm not gonna forget ur Big Day! Hmm but i'd have left by then.. =( Haiz. An earlier pressie will do right? hahas*
Another Happy Birthday from the Sec 1s (Seetoh, Eric, Wei Xiang, ShiMin, Audrey, Mu Zi, and erm, others who i don't even know?) =) So nice of these peeps.
Especially Mu Zi for that birthday kiss! hahahas*
Zhi Yong, Wei Ling, Yian Lin, Just-Birthdayed Wei Min and Hui Shan. Sweeties, thanks for the well wishes!
My cussies and parents for the greetings at the most unearthly hours. Hahas*
My hairstylist Lucus?! How on earth did he know my birthday man.. And if he ever sees this, Thanks!!! =) I will especially cherish his greeting, because i took 5 minutes to decipher it..
Chris at Gordon's Grill for the birthday cake that you've specially prepared for me. =)
Not forgetting zr, thanks for remembering my birthday. thanks for everything. Hopefully we can be friends for life. =)

See. I can be v.v.long winded. Well, just wanna appreciate each and everyone of you.

Feeling A Little of Everything. Much more of Something.
A little sad.
A little numb.
A lot of Happiness.
Because of you guys. =)

Charmaine.@11:35 AM
------

Sunday, May 07, 2006

before the 365th day away from being on earth for the second decade.

i spent the first 5 hours with nancy.
hunting for the new lappie.

next i spent the next 2 hours with my hairstylist.
clearing up the messy hair that has been with me
for the past 18years 364days.

then it was about 3 hours with dearies june and shuping.
biatching, sulking, whinning and laughing
about what we've experienced over the past weeks.

now it's going to be the next 2 hours
reflecting in solitude
on what is going to be
for the next 365 days of my life.
i'm not going to be near to computer
because i don't want to face disappointment.

subsequently, it shall be dumping myself in slumber
for 8hours before heading to work.
hopefully, in the appropriate attire.

2hours odd into work,
at the point when my students
see me for oral practise
will be the 365th day to the second decade.

i'm traumatised.
shudders-.

Charmaine.@10:39 PM
------

Saturday, May 06, 2006

It wasn't as bad as i thought.
In fact, it turned out pretty okie.

Butts, thanks for that bag. =)
pleasant pleasant surprise.
it's purple!

manicure was disastrous.
it took them 2 whole hours
to get my nails
painted white.

i had no other choice anyways.
at least i can divert the attention of the people
from my outfit to my nails.
trust me,
monday's outfit is going to be disastrous.
it's like how an ugly bimbo's going to dress.
yes, an Ugly Bimbo.

Got a whole line of clothes today
out of which
100% are all super niang.
i just hope that i won't be a laughing stock.

dinner's going to be at Gordon's grill.
does that explain why my mum's gonna dress me
THAT way.
i don't feel pre twenty.
i feel pre two.

Demure Sweet Pre Twenty Darling.
That's how i'm going to spend
the 365th day before i hit my second decade on earth.
I'm doing my mum a favour.

Charmaine.@9:12 PM
------

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

I'm idealistic
I don't want anyone to be hurt
Is it possible?

When things are beyond your control
You no longer know how you feel.

Be it a friendship
Be it a relationship
It is just as complicated.

I have to say it someday.
I feel so suffocated.

Charmaine.@8:46 AM
------

Monday, May 01, 2006

Why did i land myself into this shiat in the first place.
I offended someone due to my ignorance.
And it's absolutely disgusting
when you knows that she hates you
and puts on the facade as if she loves you to bits.
Well, of course,
i have no idea if she really hates me in the first place.

This is going to get worse
if I get to know who she's attached to.
In the first place,
I really don't want to know.

Her him won't know that she was once attached to another him.
The other him wants to know if she is attached to him.
And the other him is contemplating to tell the other other him
that she was once attached to this other him
so that the other other him will give up on her.

***

I hope that he'll be the first to wish me happy birthday.
Will he even wish me happy birthday?
I wonder if he even knows when it is.

Charmaine.@8:23 PM
------