StillMorphing, IntoWhat, IHaveNoIdea.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Charmaine.@11:26 PM
------

Isn't it great when you finish typing your entry, and *POOF* it disappears when your laptop screen turns jet black? The best part - It can't be recovered. So I shall retype it again. Today's a continuation of MiMi day. Was reminiscing my carefree first three months in teejay, those memorable times with Shumin, when I was helping Saint with her bottles today. Finally get to relive those days, today. Never felt more like myself throughout this year. So carefree and noisy. I'm finally myself again. A simple case in point for being an oxymoron. ( not CLICHE.. haha* kiddin! )

Put away the number 1, number 2, number 3. I don't want to rank my friends anymore. I don't want to say that she is no longer my number 1. I cannot bring myself to say that. I prefer to keep it the way it is. That of course, has to depend on my ability. My ability to continue to put on this facade. It's tiring, really tiring. But I'm already sick of breaking down. Let this be a learning point, may us be stronger and more matured.

Maybe it is no longer important to me that I am anyone's number 1. It is too, no longer important to me whoever my number 1 is. But I know that I have my besties, and st.doc.ostracised to whine to. ( Saint, please cherish this entry, because I hardly praise people in my blog. If you want, you can print it out and frame it. I won't really mind. Haha. )

Doc always potrayed this unapproachable image to me. From Day 1 I knew her, I suppose. Never have I ever expected that she's just like anyone of us. One thing I can be glad about, is to know her beyond the superficial surface.

I'm learning to cherish. But this time, in a different way. I don't need to be a number 1 to anyone, but they will always be my number 1. C= Life isn't that bad after all, isn't it?

Life can be beautiful. That is, if you want it to be.

Charmaine.@9:43 PM
------

Today is the 'MiMi' Day. Ostracised, we must mark this day on our calendar. There are so many significant things happening in our lives, changing our perspective of life and principles. Maybe at this awkward adolescent age of 18, we begin to learn to let go, begin to learn to cherish. We should not be so pessimistic about everything. Then again, some things that may seem to be beautiful, ain't that nice after all. Well, European History taught us about 'Papering over the cracks'. Indeed, it has proven its theory even in the 21st century.

"How To Smile When Your Heart Is Not Doing It"
Fantastic book. - The Chapalang Paper.
Written by two local writers, Ostracise and Ostracised. Writing about their ironic experience of their respective friendships. On the 'MiMi' Day, they revealed about their thoughts and feelings and realised they are very similar after all...
To be published by the forth quater of 2005.
Stay tuned.

Charmaine.@12:31 AM
------

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

There is no need to name this post I suppose. The only reason would probably be because, I have no idea what and how to name it. I have no idea why I changed my blog either. There is a great need for the dust and debris to bury the past. What past? Yes, what past?

The two years of my post Secondary school life is finally coming to an end. A happy ending, I should say. This simply insinuates that I'm delighted to graduate. This is indeed one special school that has left an etch in my heart. An etch that isn't very beautiful after all. I've wasted so much tears, so much energy on so many things, which, from my point of view, results to nothing.

Life has never been smooth these two years. I never had to change so many cliques before. Everyone's going through a metamorphosis, be it good or bad. Finally when I thought that everything is fine, the problems that soon comes after gets worse.

It's a melange of joy and sorrow. I'm grateful that the metamorphosis that everyone has gone through, made me realise that almost each and everyone is beautiful. Be it superficial appearance, to the deepest of their souls, I really thank God for their existence and they have crossed my path within these two years.

I think I found the title.

Maybe this is the reason for the name of my blog.

Charmaine.@11:28 PM
------