StillMorphing, IntoWhat, IHaveNoIdea.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Some unhappy things after Prelims:
- An ex close friend didn't do very well this time round. I did feel bad in some way, since I didn't bother to shower any concern on her, despite knowing the state she is in. Being cynical, as I always am, realised that in some way, I'm glad that she gets a taste of what her good friend is really like.
- I can no longer get to spend time in C11, with rainbow, cloud and drizzle. The memories of my bonding with them, I suppose, started there?
- After a chat with a close friend of mine, I realised that the facade each person can put on is - Facinating.
- My ONLY hope for econs - MCQ. And I scored a not very respectable score of 19. Which makes me lose the glimmer of hope of passing for Econs.

Some happy things after Prelims:
- Drizzle completed her Art!!! Applause!!! A magnificant piece indeed. Of course, courtesy of Us! hahaha* Especially rainbow, who made washing of bottles her hobby.
- Full House marathon - 6pm to 1pm. How's that? Haha*
- The fetish for RAIN and FULL HOUSE, led to the mutation of the song 3 bears and the creation of our nicknames. Which then again, makes me wonder, if this is a happy thing. HMMM...
- A rough plan for a food fest - Hunt around Singapore for food. Next destination - NYDC. I've got discount!
- Did I mention that I got a B for my Chinese? Record breaking. I suppose the teacher was shocked, I mean UTTERLY shocked. Imagine one who speaks horrible chinese in class. HA* What a joke. Well, she commented that my classmate didn't study since he got 65, and I did very well when I got 67.5. GREAT disparity, isn't it? But I'm satisfied with the grade.
- I'm happy for the burgeoning bond. Even my close friend could sense that I'm happier now. What more can I ask? Life ABSOLUTELY RAWKS now. It's much simpler, much happier.

Didn't want to say this infront of Drizzle, so afraid that she couldn't walk out of Sakae ( head too big ) Hahaha* Life is much better now. Don't have to care about how one thinks, or feel. It's very direct now, what we feel or think is written on the face. No more facade, no more thinking. No more deciphering or hiding. Life is really better this way. Hopefully everyone can be like this too. Maybe in time to come, everyone will be like that, right?

I know I'm deceiving myself.

Charmaine.@11:12 PM
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Saturday, September 24, 2005

I am disgruntled by the fact that people are copying others' blog content. eek.

Charmaine.@9:51 PM
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Celebrated Whizzy's birthday on Thursday @ Glenda's place. Firstly, Glenda has an awesome house. So much glass deco and nice big teevee. Cosy and Classy.

On to the celebration. Looks like we've not only celebrated Whizzy's birthday, but Singapore's birthday as well. God knows how we began to move towards singing national day songs.. Hmm, I gotta recap on that. The steamboat was beyond fulfilling, plus the cake and PLUS the ice cream? Gosh, Sinful.

Then it was Sinful Day Part Two. Had another fulfilling lunch @ Sakura, we were on of the first few to enter Sakura, and the last ones to leave. How about that? I had at least a portion of 30 pieces of Salmon sashimi. That was supposedly a form of consolation, after a way below satisfactory bowling session.

Game One:
- Continued going down the long kang through the 5 bowls, until Hippo and Nancy screamed for C's name when I bowled, and TADA, I hit 7 pins.
- Then I continued with my long kang record of 11 ( with the additional 4 pins which I hit over a period of 7 bowls ), until they screamed for J's name, and TADA 9 pins down.

By no means were they in my mind when I bowled, or maybe it was the chills that it sent down my spine that led to better bowling skills.

Anyway that was that. Then Hippo and Nancy came over for slumber party. While we were entertaining ourselves with UNO, we caught The Machinist - One pretty abstract movie, which I guess no one would be interested. By the way, I "caught no ball". Continued watching Ju On Prelude with a heap of pillows surrounding me, and Hippo was on the verge of being squeezed out of the bed, courtesy of my many many pillows and quilts. And we stayed up till 6am?! Yes, and I had to leave home for shopping by 11am. My dark eye rings - beyond cure.

And today, Sinful Day Part Three. Visited Projectshopbloodbros Cafe @ Paragon. They serve excellent Mango Banana Crumble at an Excellent price of $10. And a drink to balance the Sinful-ness of that dessert - Wildberry Iced Tea. Served with rasberries and blueberries at the bottom. Wonderful! I give it 4 out of 5 chocs.

Bought/did some random stuff today, had my haircut, which will cost an additional 20 bucks from my next haircut onwards - because my fantastic hairstylist has been promoted to the creative director/make up artist. Albeit a relatively pricey haircut, it is still worth it since he has the ability. I've agreed to let him deal with my head, I mean, my hair and face for grad night.

In essence, I had three very happy days, in relatively comparison to three very unhappy weeks after school reopens.

Charmaine.@8:59 PM
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Friday, September 16, 2005

Definition of Dead: The prelim papers that I've been taking for the past few days. I'm seriously pessimistic about this.

I have something to get off my chest. I dislike the way how some people copy in terms of writing style. Albeit trying to improve one's language skills in some sense, but I just think it lacks a form of personal representation. Then again, this is one's decision and sovereignty anyway.

Been suffering from exam stress these few days. I suppose it's only today the peeps in my class see the relatively mild 'stressed' side of me. Never knew that I reveal my emotions so easily. I don't think this is a very positive characteristic - I have to change this.

Dinner tonight was initially decided on Popeye's Chicken. But it seems like things have turned for the worse, which unfortunately, seemed pretty normal to me. It's just the simple thought of it, or maybe a considerably skewed view from my side.

Imagine someone talks to you when he/she wants to, and just recall what he/she writes in the blog. It pissed me off quite abit I should say. It's inevitable for one to speak that way when he/she is in a fit of anger. But now, GAG ME.

It's definitely okie ( in terms of my dinner tonight ). Settled dinner with my parents at GourmetPlus @ FrankelAve. Nice meat. Nothing beats Medium Rare Steak. Succelent.

I need to get over this problem as soon as possible. Contradicting, complex and confusing.

Did I mention that I hate people having the fetish of using repeated alphabet headings. My apologies for returning all my Literature knowledge to Mr.Suaini, I will try to explain in Literature terms in time to come. Of course I cannot claim credit for beginning this in where I am now, but can't one have his/her own writing style? My entry apparently insinuates about some other person's entry. I must emphasise that there is no personal attack, and by no means try to undermine one's attempt to copy content and language of another, with a flare of that language.

Charmaine.@9:30 PM
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Thursday, September 08, 2005

Some bizarre, and in some way stupid happenings that I forgot to mention which happened to me over these days.

- Tried logging onto the internet for a total of five and a half hours within two days only to realise that my dad sent the modem for 'operation'.
- Dreamt that I met C at the airport and yes, he was going to get married. That was crappy. But I didn't seem to be a single bit disappointed in my dream. Of course, it isn't the case in reality.

Charmaine.@9:37 PM
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So much mugging and cramming needed. If only I have 48 hours in a day. Had mugging sessions with Ostracised for the past two days at Coffee Bean @ Hougang Point. Not a bad place, with some TJCians littered around there. And ANGIE BOY was there. Apparently my change of specs and hairstyle didn't allow him to recognise me. So he walked through coffee bean a total of FIVE times before we met face to face. And TADA! he disappeared after that. What a disgusting freak in NCC LAND? Utter disgrace to that CCA.

I don't like to put on this facade. Am simply irritated whenever someone calls me Stab. Like whatthehhell, I'm now giving you my comments. It might have been a joke, but at the rate that she's going, it's way too often. I'm sure I'm less of a Stab than you are, so for goodness sake, STOP THAT. Precisely why I hate chatting with her. It's a vicious cycle. It will simply make me sound more like a stab. I need a break.

I really want to treat her as a friend. But it might not seem to be the case on her part. I may just seem to be less concerned, therefore, I will try to put in the effort. And when I put in the effort, I end up being unhappy. How fun can THAT get?

Everyone in class is nice. But it just seems that most have a glaring flaw. And I cannot deny that I have many many glaring flaws.

Charmaine.@9:21 PM
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Monday, September 05, 2005

I'm unhappy today. Boo. Just a sense of being "made use of". I may sound too sensitive, too irrational, very childish. But I just cannot accept the fact that your-supposed-bestie calls you just to ask you stuff when she is in need. It's indeed disheartening when throughout this tough period you get no encouragement, no support and no contact from her. And now out of no where, she calls me. I don't want to be a substitute anymore! I don't want to be the one taking someone else's place in school simply because the other person has some other better friend. This is sick. I hate this. I want to leave!!! Get me out of here someone!!!

Charmaine.@10:16 PM
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Ostracised!!! Doc prescribed the right medicine for your 'disease'. It's just part and parcel of our lives. Every adult been through this period, it's only the magnitude of your 'attitude'. We learn at every point don't we?

I suppose C will have a very long lifespan. Just wrote about him this morning, and I received his (rather insignificant) phone call this afternoon. (in terms of the content of the conversation) Looking at the books on my desk, and I realised that I'm taking A levels in 2 months time. And I started wondering why was I so stupid to believe whatever he promised and do whatever he asked me to. Goodness, who was I living for during the last three years?

Anyway, Sundays are just wonderful. Lazed in bed till 6pm with a warm latte. A superb stress relieving method. A time consuming one, of course.

'Hui You Na Me Yi Tian' by JJ Lin. My favourite song to date.
It's rather slow of me, to think that JJ introduced his 3rd album a few months ago. And I'm only looking into his debut album.

That's about all for today. Mummy's flying off with her sisters to China this coming Tuesday. I shall go get a packet of Popeye's Chicken then.

Charmaine.@12:17 AM
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Sunday, September 04, 2005

It's just a meaningless title. I just wanted a title for the sake of having it.

Felt rather feverish that morning when I woke up (since I slept at 5.50am?) at 8+am. Went to meet Jo, whom I haven't met for ages, and passed her the pressie. Not forgetting to mention the people I met at CP. Eddie Koh, Guides juniors and C. I avoided C. It's just awkward to meet him. Finally caught up with Jo, missed her loads!!!

Everything has been buried along with those blog entries, I no longer brood over those issues. What I am brooding over now, is how to survive for the next three weeks in school. As the chinese saying goes "Chuan dao qiao tou, zi ran zhi". I can predict that it will only be "zhi" because i will smile, but it is a superficial one. I'm just another hypocrite who thinks that others are hypocrites and backstabbers, and am disgusted by their actions. Won't that mean that I should be disgusted by myself too? Life by itself, is already contradiction. If only someone can tell me what to do.

Let this week pass slowly. May the holiday after prelims last longer. Let it be never ending. Let my smile be left at status quo. Another reason why I need more time - I'm way behind time for revision!!! But shopping is really fun with my mum. Mothers just shower you with new clothes, earrings and whatever you want. That's why i'm so hardworking when shopping.

Charmaine.@4:38 AM
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Friday, September 02, 2005

How can someone like him be the winner of such an important competition. Lets face it. Her performance today is undeniably, way better than his. If I were to be critical, I would have called back to refute the statement by this person who announced his views on national radio minutes ago. Isn't it an understatement that he can garner more support? From my point of view, he should thank God that he took away what everyone else has. Think about it, if not because of this, would people admire him for his courage? Would people sympathise him? Anyway, one won't know his true character either. Being physically disabled does not insinuate that he/she will have a better character than anyone else. This is a simple fact in the society of today.

Of course, I cannot deny that he has relatively good vocals, and I admire him for that. But for heaven sake, can he make more logical and politically correct comments in future? Moreover, it doesn't make sense if your closest kin has to set up a fan club for you. How logical can that get? And for goodness sake, don't try to be a replica of the other version of such competitions, and trying to come up with a meaning for your dressing. It's just simply disgusting.

It may seem as if I sound extremely biased. But I have to say that her outlook today isn't fantastic either. Her hairstyle was a total disaster. Fortunately, it was salvaged at the later part of the show, coupled with her powerful vocals, the outlook wasn't so much of a problem.

I'm not happy with the results.

I must cherish these few days, because I'm smiling from my heart. I cannot assure that for the days to come though.

Charmaine.@12:22 AM
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