StillMorphing, IntoWhat, IHaveNoIdea.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

The good

- i PASSED MY DRIVING TEST on the first attempt! hahahas*
- dad and mum treated me to a nice lunch, and in awhile a nice dinner. sweet.
- went to AA to settle my international driving permit.
- had a fabulous swensen's dinner with the office peeps. the food wasn't that fantastic, it was the company we were with. and we celebrated mdm ang's birthday with that enormous earthquake.

The bad

- emotional rollercoaster. just begin to hate teaching in hai sing more than ever. just the remedial lessons piss me off more than anything else. plus the disgusting non stop typing, simply make things worse.
- feelings fade, feelings surge. the feeling of bumping into you is always an aftermath effect, which really sucks. it's just avoid, run, and hide. the feeling is no longer there, that i can be sure.
- part A: cried infront of the tester the moment i heard i pass.
part B: cried at the gate when Mr.Hamburger gave me the thumbs up sign when he lip-read me saying that i passed my test. it was a sudden realisation that i no longer can see my instructors. Mr.Hamburger who laughs at my every fear, Mr.Stickman who is the first whom i heard, fears water. Mr.Old Man who tests me on all the road technical terms, in Chinese. Mr.Louisa-look-alike who is my one and only jinx, always causing me to bump into disgusting situations whenever he is my instructor. Mr.40yr old who is so honoured when i told him he looks like late 20s. That future botanic. The many many other instructors who left an etch in my mind while training me, adding so much fun+joy+laughter in my life.
- brought the office peeps to take the wrong bus. as a result, turning up really late for the dinner.

The Ugly

- saw a woman carrying the LV Red Alma demanding to see the traffic police representative. hello, an LV Red Alma doesn't entitle you to anything. My Denim costs more than yours. then what? should i demand to see nathan?!
- then another lady at Red Star was crazily scolding the waitress just because she didn't get her seat immediately. ehh, being tall doesn't entitle you to a seat faster dumb ass. ugh.

Charmaine.@6:45 PM
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Friday, July 21, 2006

My friend is totally in love with her partner and they decided to adopt their plush toy as their kid or something.

My dad's colleague committed suicide today by jumping off the building just a day after his family flew back to their homeland, and he was scheduled to fly off tomorrow.

My actions were absolutely irrationale today. Escapism does help though. Emotional rollercoaster is coming to an end, and i'm turning numb. If you think that i happily tell you that i can't wait to leave, i gotta be kidding. but that ends the conversation earlier, isn't that good?

ever since i've decided, there's no turning back.

Charmaine.@12:27 AM
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Wednesday, July 19, 2006

if it occurred to you that i don't treat you the way i usually do,
although i never wanted to,
i don't really have a choice.

i feel sorry for myself,
for falling for you.

can you for the very least, make me hate you?
i hate you for who you are.
get out of my mind.

i doubt you can ever understand how i feel.

Charmaine.@10:59 AM
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Sunday, July 16, 2006

the unforgettable overaged student.
gng in lower secondary uniform was beyond comical.
one sporting DM,
one of a kind.
hwa chong boy eh. impressive.

njoo shocked me with his biology application in life.
i almost couldn't believe it.
but well, the disgusting dream still stands.
someone told me i like njoo!!! hahahahahahas*
heyy, that was in my dream!

spent 40bucks just like that.
it's for the needy students, worth it. =)

call me crazy, but i really wanna bring that injured bird to the vet.
sadly, i forgot... oops.
farah and i went to check it out yesterday.
poor fella rotting at the ledge.

finally realised that danny knows cheryl chew,
and danny helps ms ng,
and danny was that fella who played a whole load of kbox songs while i was busily typing a the beginning of this year.
so now i know, danny is danny.
trashy eh?
now that i'm going to leave,
i meet him again. ohhh god, save me. hahas*
and this time, we are snatching for ms ng.

one interesting day working in the office.
know new people of sorts.
the office peeps,
the HODs,
the teachers,
i'm going to miss them even more after today.

***

imagine ur boss asking you to have dinner with her and her ex-colleague, i.e. your friend.
tell me how uncomfortable will the dinner be.
i prolly have to see the doc after the dinner. end up suffering from indigestion.

and the next thing you know,
she tells you that she was supposed to get a laptop bag
but got another bucket instead.
OHMYGAWD.
my one and only boss.
hahahas*

haiz. i'm gonna miss them.
nineteendays.
couting down. moving on.
life will be better. that's for sure.

Charmaine.@12:47 AM
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Friday, July 14, 2006

in conjunction of GSS,
when every shop slash PRICES,
someone starts slashing HANDS.

someone's going cranky again.
trying to slash her hand AGAIN.
then maybe she can go injure someone else AGAIN!!!

wa laoooooooo. SOOOOOOOO irritating.
what a hazardous character.

Charmaine.@12:20 AM
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Thursday, July 13, 2006

i'm missing the students. =(
sitting here in my cubicle is like
boring.
borinG.
boriNG.
borING.
boRING.
bORING.
BORING!!!

can understand where my boss is coming from though. really thank her for that.

it's either the dilemma or boredom. i'd rather choose the latter.

lalalala. the people are nice. except the one infront of my face. and he's my SENIOR?!?! ohmygawd, when did teejay produce such a disgusting, no standard, think so highly of himself, curtain fringed basketballer?!?! Chun Hsien is like a million billion gazillion times better than him.

***

I love the lyrics. the song isn't that fantastic though. neither is the singer.

分開感覺原本沒那麼疼
相愛過程兩人都誠懇
平心靜氣調整或許還能
把他看成老朋友般的同等身分
可惜人都抵不過自尊
不恨聽起來太愚蠢

不聞不問怕自己平靜的心在沸騰
愛過的人都非得當成假想的敵人
不聞不問卻反覆提醒自己有傷痕
冷漠的人得在很下心前先對自己殘忍

回憶親暱口吻親密眼神
難以平衡曖昧感覺如何能調整
總之界限要清楚劃分
以防自己還想要等

must be thinking, what a pseudo pro in chinese.
hahahas* cause i think so too.

we are the pseudo busy CEOs.
actual fact pseudo busy CEOs, who are underpaid and overworked.
hahahas* gosh. going cranky.

Charmaine.@11:34 AM
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why can't people take more pride in their lives,
for the very least, don't endanger the lives of those who thought that your insignificant life was precious.

i sympathise her, i have no qualms with her as a person.
just the unconventional viewpoints. As it is in the Singapore context,
diverse views, inclusive society.
i shall accept her pecuiliar ways of dealing with relationships,
queer actions and irritating attitude.

***

there is no longer a need to increase the speed.
because the distance is permanent.
it's beyond infinity, if you get what i mean.

i can't say for sure that i will move on for now,
but at least i can be sure that distance does make a difference.

***

just the cards per se is already killing shuping and i.
plus the gifts.
wa seh.
confirm+guarantee+chop+stamp+signature+lifetime warranty
Drop Dead.

Charmaine.@12:36 AM
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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

A new relief teacher with a unique name, not bad looks, smart brain came in.
But there's just no... *snap snap.
Not chemistry... err.. Interest?! hahahahas*

of all people,
someone who is not smart, short and not shuai.

***

mum and i quarrelled over the same issue again last night.
if mum tells dad,
i really can go die man.

Charmaine.@1:47 PM
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Monday, July 10, 2006

Now that i've allowed history to repeat,
it's time for me to change the ending.

if my sixth sense isn't wrong,
i'm quite sure my boss has heard about it.
no wonder i have to work downstairs.

Charmaine.@10:56 PM
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Sunday, July 09, 2006

did you realise that...

you shouldn't have reminded me that i only have 26days left here, though it's on my msn nick.
you shouldn't have told me that you will miss me.
you shouldn't have said that it was not because of being unable to go to that place anymore.
you shouldn't have announced to me that you may cry that day.
you shouldn't have agreed to send me off.
you shouldn't even have talked to me.

i shouldn't have cried my past three nights to sleep.
i shouldn't have continued working at this place.
i shouldn't ask you if you were sending me off.
i shouldn't decide to tell you on that day that i like you.
i shouldn't even have fallen for you in the first place.

all this happened because of you.

even for the smallest and shortest times that i have spent with you,
i'll bring it to Switzerland.

i think you're the first that i will ever say that i like you.

-tearing.

Charmaine.@11:30 PM
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Thursday, July 06, 2006

there were so many spur of the moment feeling occurances today.

i wanted to break down in the Hai Think Cafe,
there was too much to contain,
too much to hold.
i had so much to say,
wanted so much to clarify.
but i couldn't.
simply because,
it was true.

were you really happy today?
i was hoping that you could not put on that front.
something tells me that you aren't that happy after all.
hopefully you'll be even happier on monday. =)

ohmygawd. hahahas*
a phone call almost stunned me to death.
i thought was lemon,
and i ALMOST blurted out everything.
if it was lemon...

"DARLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MISS U SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!"

wow. imagine that. hahahahas*
luckily i threw that "who are you?!?!?!" before anything else.

gonna meet Queen Bitch for coffee tomorrow night. =)

ehh. tell me that i'm not happy now. SERIOUS!!! i need to neutralise my feelings alil.

Charmaine.@11:41 PM
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it seems that i'm allowing history to repeat itself.
nonono. it's superstition.

fuxinyan!!!
YOU ARE SO DEAD.
bahhhhhhhhh.

Charmaine.@12:08 AM
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Tuesday, July 04, 2006

When you're frustrated,
and you know that your blog is not the place to vent it.
You turn to the phone.
My poor Hippo. hahahas*
Love ya to bitssssss. =)

Carls' Jr. didn't make my day.
No BeefChilli.
No ChocolateMilkShake.
But that's what i'm there for. =(

To Empathise or To Explode.
ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH.

Queen Bitch, i'm so sorry to land you into this shit.
Why can't you just BLAME ME for that?!?!?!
Tell me that you feel a tiny weeny bit,
i'll really feel a lot a lot a lot better.
But why on earth did you aggrevate it?!?!?!
You must be insane to that.
Don't seek revenge for us.
Purrlease?!?!?!

Ohgawd, wasn't this a good day?!?!

Heyy heyy fuxinyan. stop-.
Happy mode. =)

- passed final theory.
- got my test date.
- saw aaron kwok (now why am i happy?! errr. actually i was just happy to know that it was him, but those behind me didn't. hahas* sooooo biatchy.)
- errrr.... what else?!?!

what one of my students said today was true.

"the happier you look, actually the sadder you are." (i just translated it into english to make things simple la huh.)

wow. was it because my smile looks fake?! or that my happiness looks damn engineered?!

thirtyone.
- i'm gonna tell you the truth when it turns one.
INeedTheCourage.
i'm sure you're gonna say
IKnewIt.
damn. dig a hole and put my face.
Nahh. i was just entertaining a thought.
i'll never say that.

HEYYS. i was supposed to be in THE HAPPY MOOD.
Sometimes, ego boosting remarks for others can cheer me up too.
hahahas* i'm smiling again. =)

Charmaine.@11:44 PM
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Monday, July 03, 2006

if i ever had a choice,
you'll be the last thing i want to be on my mind.

just a little more determination,
and i can get over it.

thirty two days fuxinyan.

beloved june seems to be getting out of it.
why are you still there?!
ugh.

***

Anihows, i think it's like one of the highest turn up rates outa all our class outings. at least SohTahPia agrees to this. hahas* And we didn't take a picture. Chun Hsien and Jie Ying were supposed to appear. Don't we all still look the same? hahahas*

***

Students these days... Tsk tsk tsk. Gonna ask people to stead before even knowing them well enough. Sooooooo cute. *Shakes head.

i think i sound eighty. hahahas*

Charmaine.@11:00 AM
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Saturday, July 01, 2006

this house is disgustingly sick.

i can't go out beyond 10pm,
i can't talk on the phone or sms because there's this irritating eavesdropper lurking around me.

WhattheHELL!

damn.

freedom of speech and movement.
is there?

Charmaine.@9:59 PM
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