StillMorphing, IntoWhat, IHaveNoIdea.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Affinity is when a couple who have been schoolmates for 6 years, moving from one instituition to another, finally get together.
Affinity is when a couple who have been through the sweetest of times, begin to fight. Fight, I mean, in every sense of that word. Be it verbal, or physical. Yes.
Affinity means a guy and a girl go through lots of ups and downs together, before enjoying a sweet little puppy love, and break up within seven days.
Affinity is something that should exist, if not, existed between a couple.
Affinity is a word that you can derive from the subtitles of A Promise for Tomorrow.
Affinity in that context, is when a naive 16 year old boy, in the name of friendship (as a smokescreen to cover his so-called undying love) for a 16 year old girl who is going to die of liver failure.

Is this what you call affinity?
In the real world, maybe not.
But in the world of the two local artises, I suppose, that will probably do.

Been very emotional these days. Tell me what is wrong? Or maybe it's just a sudden thought that triggered my mind. Nope, it's something in my mind that triggered that thought.

Charmaine.@10:43 PM
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Maybe forgetting isn't as easy as what I think. One year and counting of not contacting, will it help? Am I holding on? Or is it because I've yet to forget? I simply hate your existence. If you no longer exist, will I forget?

If only I can find an answer to this. And if only I can find someone else to take over your place. Maybe I will be better off then. I've been blogging about this so many times, only to hope that I can forget. But it seems that the more I blog, the deeper the etch.

Charmaine.@1:48 AM
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Friday, October 21, 2005

I'm really pissed today. I suppose nothing, as in NOTHING, can suppress my anger. In order to make things easier, I decided to make my place available for the making of the cake Only to realise that this is the most daft decision one can ever make.

Apparently my kitchen is in an utter mess, even as I talk that is. Plus my room. Plus the coffee table in my living room. The kitchen has a huge pile of utensils to be washed, my room has a whole load of photographs to be cleared, and my living room coffee table has this huge painty pen stain on the glass piece. Although my mum seemed extremely kind and forgiving towards them, my mum was obviously unhappy with one of them. i.e the one who was supposed to stay over for studying marathon. This fella confirmed that she would be studying here in the late afternoon. Thus, I informed my mum to buy more snacks (with her acknowledgement that is), then an hour ago, she told me that she can't stay over. Generous as my mother is, she bought this whole heap of snacks to stuff us to death. And now, I have to deal with the debris of what has been done and the heap of snacks to kill me.

Chancing upon the glaring stain on the coffee table is an extemely detrimental to me. Because other than getting a earful, they can no longer come to do such stuff. It's worse when that freaking fella starts arguing with you when you made the remark that she is irresponsible. Of course, I didn't make it without any basis of truth.

1 - She read magazines when I was totally engrossed with the design of the scrap book.
2 - She gives ideas that ruins the entire scrap book.
3 - She complained that she was sleepy and asked for games to play when I was struggling with the designing.

I'm really pissed. That's for now.

Charmaine.@11:31 PM
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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

It seems as if the whole world is crumbling on me. First and foremost, my History lecture notes on Cold War seem to have disappeared (Courtesy of my maid of course). Yet, I can't blame anyone else but myself. I shall skip the entire linkage on why is it my fault, but the basic reason is because, my Dad and I were the ones who chose her.

And I significantly remembered that Rainbow called me this morning, which I guess she suppose that I was still sleeping. (when in fact I was weeping like no one else's business because I can't attend the consultation session) Before I can even try to explain myself, I guess she was too angry to hear me out. Really glad that I explained myself in the next phone call, if not, I suppose my day will be worse than anything else. And I'm really thankful for Rainbow and Cloud. If not for them, I will definitely coop myself at home to continue searching for the notes.

Just now a close friend of mine asked me about the lesson slots. Apparently I forgot all about our consultation slots, and I left it out. Can hear that she was really frustrated with me. But I really didn't mean it. My objective of saving smses, has apparently mutated into an expression of being unhappy. So I received this message of apology. Seriously, being such close friends, I probably not bother about such a small issue since we are already so close. The amount of effort she has put in for the Graduation gift, is more than enough to cover whatever tantrums she throw (for now I mean). Haha.

Rough patches exist at some point of time. What matters most is when it continues to be smooth sailing.

Charmaine.@11:36 PM
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Sunday, October 16, 2005

The Cult of Hypocracy has finally come to light after a year odd, closing to two. The goddesses of Hypocracy never fail to see themselves emanating the light of sanity, hope and purity. Yet, they simply exude this aura of disgust, horror and darkness. It's especially scary when the magnitude of this horror seems to be beyond measure.

It's worse when they practice double standards. Not only do they condemn people for being hypocrites, they too practice hypocracy. In fact, if I need a definition of hypocracy and alive-and-kicking examples of hypocratic people, I will bring in these godesses. Because they are the very definition of hypocracy. (It's subjective of course)

It's perfectly fine for one to be a hypocrite. I mean, who isn't? At some point of time, one will be a hypocrite - it's only a matter of how far you go. I cannot deny the fact that I've been one too. But I can be proud to say that - I've stepped out of it. At hindsight, it just seems like a kid's childish game, an adult's politics, a wise old man's history. Yet some people continue to immerse in their pursuit for bitching, bitching and more bitching. If you think that you've grown or matured, it may just be the otherwise. Simply because you've found people of your kind. Or probably you've grown to be like them. The facade of maturity.

This is my class.
A class of hypocrites of varying degrees.
It's ending on Tuesday.
Goodbye my fellow hypocrites.

Charmaine.@1:39 PM
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Friday, October 14, 2005

Check out this friendster message from a person called ''yuching'' in friendster to me.

Message:
hii saw your picswith this girl...who keeps taking pics with u..long hair...cute smile and all..she's so pretty!but u...oh my FUCKING goodness! u r so fucking fat! and fucking ugly! oh dammit i almost puked my breakast 2 days ago out while lookin at ur face in the pics..when i saw that CLOSE UP pic of yours...i was like...wad.the.fucking.hell.4 goodness sake, im sure u know that u r fat and ugly, y make other ppl sick by acting cute etc? oh goodness! sorry i know this is mean but i juz hav to let u noe, for the good of all mankind on earththat u r like..damn gross. i feel sorry for youseriously go on a diet or something?or plastic surgery? im sure u'd be a happier person.dun hav to look at all your beautiful friends and feel envious. honestly, they r all so hot. look at yourself, do u feel good hanging out with them? don't you feel demoralised or something?u look like a big joke beside them. just...do something...get lost! fugly bitch! haha

My reply:
Don't worry I'll help you convey your message to my friend!
Surprisingly, I've never thought of slimming down. Well, cute is subjective, and of course, in your case, you find me absolutely disgusting. But at least, I should say that I'm proud for who I am, and how I am. Precisely why I don't place that photo as my display pic. I suppose that there was no coercion when you were viewing my friendster right? Of course, I really sympathise you if someone coerced you to viewing my photos.Well, I'm glad that you told me and I really hope that you will be proud of your own looks too by placing your photo. I mean maybe you are feeling alittle inferior because you may not think that you are handsome/pretty enough to display your photo. But don't worry yea? No one will criticise you for being an ugly duckling. I mean, we are all microbes of this society. I maybe a molecule, but i suppose you are just an insignificant microbe since you are smaller in size?I don't mean to criticise you either. Just hoping that you can see things from different perspective. But of course, I cannot deny the fact that there are myopic people like you on this earth. Oh by the way, at least being ugly among my friends allows you to find my pretty friend!
If no one is fat, then no one will be slim. If no one's ugly, then no one would be pretty.It's a matter of relativity kid.
Take care! C=

I wonder will this person die of heart attack if he/she sees this mesage that I replied. I'm laughing not because I'm bitter. Neither am I laughing at my own weakness. I'm laughing because I think this person must have been bombarded by my message. I mean, based on the way he/she writes, I think I ought to give this person a dictionary/thesaurus as a gift.

Looking at what is written, and how it is written, I have a premonition on who wrote this. Well, if it is really that person, I suppose he/she won't reply anymore. Because, he/she simply lacks that ability to fathom my message. (Which was what happened in my previous blog)

So my debating skills have yet to vanish. Haha.

Charmaine.@11:11 PM
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Tuesday, October 11, 2005

It was indeed, love at first sight. I first met him at Takashimaya, about three weeks ago. He stood still at that particular spot. At an obscure spot. But I saw him. Two weeks later, I met him again. But this time, at Junction 8. It has to be him.

Cute.
Charming.
Intelligent.
Rich.
And a Great Singer.

No one else could replace him. There was it. We finally got together today, at about 5pm. And my mum was the witness of this significant event. Even she, was attracted to him.

My cute,
charming,
intelligent,
rich in memory,
Superb sound quality,
iPod Nano. C=
I'm so attached to him.

I'm quite disgusted with my first paragraph though. I'm so in love.

Charmaine.@11:56 PM
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Sunday, October 09, 2005

You'll probably be able to sense when someone is really happy, and I suppose Rainbow really is. Glad that everything is fine now. C= Maybe everything can be solved, maybe everything can be reconciled.

I'd love to. But maybe not. Maybe never. Maybe never even known the two people that I'm no longer talking to. I cannot deny the fact that it's sad to no longer talk a once best pal. As it is, I've had enough of giving. Maybe everyone sees 'giving' from different perspectives. Maybe our views on such issues, rather, practically a lot of issues, differ way too much. I don't actually mind to be seen as being selfish. Because, I see you as being selfish too. Isn't it fair?

Sadly, I no longer reminisce those times. Maybe because I've turned selfish, cold-blooded, or whatever negative connotated words you have to describe me. I love my current life. I'm just EXTREMELY irked by what is reflected on someone's blog.

I don't want to be sued. Just some causal leaps here. Ignore this.

Oh yes, I passed GP!

Charmaine.@11:58 AM
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Thursday, October 06, 2005

All the results are out. They are simply SUPERB!!! To the extent that I'm meeting my principal for a TEA SESSION that is. Reason - I flunk my GP. If only someone can tell me where on earth did I go wrong. When I made an overall improvement of FOUR grades for my A level subjects, my GP decided to spoil the beautiful picture that I've painted. I mean a REAL picture, not an illusion.

Therefore, we have taken up an arduous task, and that is to, SPEAK and TYPE (be it sms, e-mail, msn, or whatever else you have) in PROPER ENGLISH. To worsen the entire situation, dearest Cloud decided to impose a fine. If you know how I usually sms, you would probably know how ARDUOUS the task is to me, even at this very moment when I'm typing this entry.

I realise that English is a disgusting language that doesn't allow me to express myself. I can't possibly go "Wa lao, SO SIAN! Wa piang, he SI BEH cute LEH!!!" Okie, that's the end. I can no longer do that, at least till the very day when I step out from the GP exams. I promise myself that I'm going to speak all the Cha-ba-lang Singlish once I step out. Be ready for that.

I'm more than willing to share anything with my bestest buddies, but when it comes to others, I don't think I'm that willing after all. I'm selfish, isn't it obvious? If you see me keeping quiet, you really have to observe the surroundings. Can you guys get it?

That's all the crumbs of this week. Time to hit the covers.

Charmaine.@5:55 PM
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Sunday, October 02, 2005

Went to Drizzle's house this afternoon for lunch, which is apparently situated in beautiful Bedok reservoir road. It is one place, that isn't very friendly, in terms of how they name the whole long stretch of road. If I'm not mistaken, there are four stretch of roads which are ALL called, Bedok Reservoir Road. P.S: One of them is SO significant, because it is a LOOP. Effectively, Bedok Reservoir Road splits into two at some point of time, and the split leads you to Bedok Reservoir Road, and after a loop ( which I never realised until I see the map, and after going for the 3rd round ), you come back to Bedok Reservoir Road! How about that?

After an arduous search for her BLOCK, I had to go for ANOTHER arduous search for her LIFT! WOW! And my dad drove me a few rounds about her block, only to realise that I could have called her! So, I called her and realise that the lift was RIGHT INFRONT OF MY FACE! But finally I arrived! Only to be the latest. Gosh.

It was pretty fun over there. Came after Cloud and Rainbow. I should say that the most significant event that happened was Me, being attacked by flying cushions. Which God knows when on earth they began planning to throw. Of course I don't blame them, because... because... I was glued to the TV. Hahaha* I was practically oblivious to what was happening around me. I cannot deny the fact that this is a sin that I should never ever make again, because I won't know when on earth I would be attacked! Then again, it's FULL HOUSE!!! My fetish. C=

Didn't want to spoil the plans of the peeps since I'm suffering from sports impediment, so I decided to leave earlier. Of course, such dearies made me stay. Only to realise that my Aunt was at home and I'm hollered back home. Initial place for dinner - Chicken Rice at Purvis Street. After much persuasion and complaining, it became Thai Food at Patara. Ohmygawd, sinful dinner once again. The Stuffed chicken wings...

Heard that Bedok Reservoir was fun! The peeps must have enjoyed it. I suppose, Bedok Reservoir is Fun. Bedok Reservoir Road however, is another matter.

GP and Econs results tomorrow. You guys shall see how I D-I-E.

Charmaine.@10:14 PM
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